And So It Goes

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

[ Billy Joel ]

that guy over there now has faded away

diiringi denting piano bernada rendah
hangatnya kini menguap tak berbekas
meninggalkan jejak bisu di sekeliling langkahku
dia menghilang

sudah kuputuskan,
aku takkan menunggu kepulan asap memudar
kubiarkan dia menari sendiri sepi
berbalut temaram pekat
menghitam kelam

mungkin aku jahat
mungkin aku tak peduli
biarlah, bukan aku yang ingin.
jika aku pasti akan bergeming
seperti janjiku sendiri.


kau harus ingat
bukan aku yang pergi
bukan pula terbatasnya pilihan.
itu pilihanmu, kau yang memilih.
dirimu sendiri.

"You'll never realized how much i love you
you'll never know how much i really care.
but even the tiniest thing must have an end
until that day comes
I won't be standing here waiting for you."

sepenggal percakapan singkat, namun melekat.

(suatu malam di teras depan rumah)

"..kamu itu berubah-ubah. aku susah ngikutin kamu."

"ya kamu jangan ngikutin aku. justru aku butuh pegangan."

"..."
"aku bingung mesti gimana."

"kamu jangan bingung. kalo kamu bingung, nanti aku pegangan sama siapa?"


**

saat itu aku belum menyadari betul apa maksudnya.
hingga saat ini pun aku masih belum bisa memahami sepenuhnya.
tapi entah mengapa kata-kata itu selalu terngiang di benakku, sampai sekarang.
kata-kata itu menjadi suatu penyemangat dalam diriku untuk terus berusaha ada untuknya.
memompaku untuk selalu berusaha tegar untuknya.

tapi kata-kata yang diucapkannya (mungkin) secara tidak sengaja itu,
bagiku bermakna lebih dari itu.
bukan hanya untuknya, tapi juga untukku.
secara tidak sadar, kata-kata itu menjadi tumpuanku untuk terus meyakinkan diriku sendiri bahwa aku bisa.
aku bisa dan aku mampu.
aku mampu berdiri sendiri, tegak menjulang.
tidak berada di belakang bayang-bayang orang lain.


yang aku butuhkan hanyalah keberanian.

"All that I can do is be me, whoever that is." - Bob Dylan.

bukan tidak ada, hanya kehilangan sensasinya.

aku sedang tidak menangkap pancaran sinar di matanya
bukan tidak ingin,
bukan tidak mampu
hanya tidak bisa.

aku tidak tahu kenapa, tapi rasanya berbeda
seperti kopi yang kehilangan pahitnya
atau pagi yang kehilangan sejuknya
perhatiannya memudar.

entah mengapa, aku sendiri juga tidak tahu
aku tidak ingin berspekulasi
apalagi berprasangka yang tidak-tidak

aku terdiam dalam harap
menunggu cahayanya kembali

aku bisa cukup tenang untuk mengatakan
"aku cuma perlu bersabar sedikit saja,"

tapi tidak.
di dalam, hatiku dan otakku berkecamuk.

ku hempas keraguan yang merayap.
ku abaikan dan terus ku redam.

meski begitu tetap ada pertanyaan,
sampai dimana batas ketahananku?


aku harap cukup.

i'll be waiting.

hujan.
biasanya aku suka melihat hujan.
gemericik nya membuat suasana menjadi ramai.
aroma tanah yang tercium membuat suasana hati menjadi tenang.

tidak kali ini.
hujan datang mengiringi kehampaanku.


'aku sedang ingin sendiri,' katanya
aku hargai permintaannya
aku biarkan dia sendiri
tidak meninggalkan dia sendiri

'aku butuh waktu,' katanya
aku mengerti alasannya
aku beri dia waktu
dan hanya bisa menunggu

'aku tidak ingin membuat hatimu sakit,' katanya
karena dia tiba-tiba menghilang
dan tidak memberi kabar sama sekali
sakit memang, tapi aku tahan.
aku bukan anak kecil lagi
yang menangis bila orangtuanya tidak kunjung pulang

dan dia berpikir untuk berpisah saja
dia tidak tahu saja,
betapa menyakitkannya kalau sampai berpisah
lebih menyakitkan dibandingkan tidak mengetahui kabarnya.
jauh lebih sakit.


aku akan menunggu
hingga hatinya tenang
dan pikirannya jernih
agar dapat bertindak bijaksana.



entah berapa lama.

"just because i'm hurting, doesn't mean i'm hurt." -Coldplay

I haven't heard from you.

i cannot believe what i've just heard.
i cannot imagine how you felt.

since that saddening news,
i haven't heard from you.
how are you? where have you been?
are you okay out there?

not knowing where you are
not knowing how you are
it kills me.

you once told me that the sky really show how you're feeling.
i look at the sky tonight.
it's dark and gloomy.
like there's no life.
not a single star
and that bright, beautiful moon
did not come out tonight.

and i thought of you
wondering if your heart is as empty as the sky
wondering if your feeling's dark and gloomy like the sky was.
and i'm really hoping that you're not.


are you okay out there?

picture taken from: http://images.paraorkut.com/img/pics/images/a/alone-13004.jpg

that guy over there

that guy over there with his beautiful eyes staring at me
and all the marvelous things about him begin bewitching me

that guy over there with the moonlight around his presence
fascinate me so much i can't explain with common sense

he's just standing there in his silence, as if he's waiting for something i don't know.
it seems like he's there for me to erase my sadness and sorrow.
i can't stop wondering why my heart beats awkwardly every time our eyes meet
how i feel safe, knowing that he's there, just around the corner of the street.

that guy over there approaching me with the sheltered gaze
tells me not to worry cause he'll always be there for me to embrace
whenever i'm feeling sad, or upset, or angry, or just occasionally tired
he tries his best to bring the smile onto my face and then holds me tight



i look back on all the things he has said and done
and i know,

i'm in love with that guy over there.


( maulida disa pratiwi, 120709 )

just let go of the past, pal.

why can't she let you go?

even though she knows you're no longer available

even though you told her many times before that you has moved on.
she just can't seem to face the truth.
whose fault is that?
she's the one who was decided to leave, not you.
now suddenly she wants all that she has left to come back?
hello, that's not fair.
not to you, especially not to me.
because i'm the one having the chance, and i won't mess it up like she did.
you're mine to keep now, and i will take care of you in my own way.
she has to deal with the fact that she is your past.
that you are her past.
why on earth can't she let go of her past?
does she understand the word 'past'?
it means it's over. it's not happening anymore.
just move on. find another guy that she won't waste.
that she won't shattered.
why did she make it sounds so hard to let you go?
i really couldn't understand.

huh, emosi jiwa dan raga~

terinspirasi malam.

sepi.
gelap.
aku sendiri.
menatap langit.
menoleh ke bulan.

bulan.
bercahaya.
bersama bintang.
aku masih saja sendiri.
menikmati padu nya atribut malam.

malam.
terdiam.
menanti sinar pagi.
hingga awal hari datang.
menghampiri diriku yang kesepian.


datanglah dirimu mengganti sepi
datanglah dirimu bersama bulan
datanglah dirimu temani malam.

Tersampaikan Untukku

aku disini
menanti hadirmu di sisi
untuk menemani hari
dapat ku membayangkan senyum indahmu
mengisi cerahnya duniaku

aku terus bertahan
mencoba tuk ungkapkan
namun tak kuasa sampaikan perasaanku.. oohh

tak terduga dirimu menyatakan cinta
di luar imajinasiku
terjalin sudah perasaan
tak akan kulepaskan
kau tersampaikan hanya untukku

ku masih disini
nikmati pesona dirimu
yang terus temani hariku
ku semakin terenyuh
semakin jauh
kau merasuki jiwaku

kini kau slalu ada dalam setiap mimpiku
bayangmu tak bisa hilang dari diriku.. ouhh

ku percaya dirimu tlah nyatakan cinta
di luar imajinasiku
terjalin sudah perasaan,
tak akan kulepaskan
kau tersampaikan hanya untukku..


made for Mindset~
inspired by. rizal budiansyah